My Encounter with God

Okay so since high school ended, my life has been in a whirlwind of busy-ness. Life just never stops going on! We kicked off the summer by going to VBS at the Korean Church down the street from MidCities. Mom had signed them up and God called me to help out there as a translator. I thought “Perfect! I can spend time with my brothers and God and serve!” The week long experience was overall positive. I had fun learning the songs and singing along and doing the hand motions. And there lies the problem. I don’t want to just go through the motions – I want to be able to live out what I’m singing, what I’m saying, what I’m reading. The month of June really was harsh on my time with God – trying to finish up everything and getting the grades I needed to go to Fuge, preparing physically and mentally for Graduation, helping out at home with Dad’s visit to the hospital, etc. It was just draining. And I felt so far away from God. I read through my yearbook the other day and there were a lot of people who wrote about my being a Christian – I really appreciate those comments. I really do hope that my actions and personality reflect His character and I thank you guys for your kind words, even if you aren’t so comfortable with the faith. That situation really reminds me of the song “Do They See Jesus In Me?” by Joy Williams.

So back to VBS – I had a great time serving and meeting and getting to know Debbie, James, and Mrs. Kwon. And by the end of the week, I really realize that I need to get my act together – live what I sing, stop going through the motions!

During the week of VBS Andy also had swim lessons – reminds me of swim season and all those wonderful memories on the pool deck and at swim meets.

And then two days ago Anthony started to get sick and now Andy has it too, and I’m probably next in line  I don’t know what’s going around! It’s draining helping mom care for them since Dad needs his rest. It was also kind of frustrating because he would criticize and not do anything. But it is my responsibility to help out and to keep my mouth shut about it. Andy woke up with a 104 fever and we were about to take him to the hospital but a rational thought told me that I did not want to spend another Sunday crunched up on an emergency room chair. We gave them cold towels, wiped them all over, and made them take their medication. Thank God the fever went down after about ten minutes. Taking care of sick kids is not a fun job – a downer for being a mom. Thank goodness I have years to come before I have to do that as a mother. Julie says I’m a really good sister, I hope that I am.

I was late for Sunday School today and came in the middle of John Piper’s message about how everything that happened before Calvary was ordained, crafted by God’s hand to happen – to fulfill prophesies in Scripture. He says that in the most dreadful of situations we ask “where’s God now?” but we fail to remember to praise God in the times when we are blessed. For example, the Hudson plane crash – we question where God was in that situation, but do we thank him for the tens of thousands of safe landings each day? No, we don’t.

Danay was really sweet and said that she’d like to get to know me more over coffee of lunch or something and that made me really happy! If only I can get my mom to let me out more often. And Will played Cannons because he thought I was going to be there, but I wasn’t. I really appreciate that he chose that song though :]

Then we went to the second service. Tom talked about the four different generations in one church, which I thought was really interesting. I especially liked the part about precepts and commandments. God commanded us to love one another, He didn’t suggest it. He commanded that we honor our father and mother, no matter how mad they make us, He didn’t suggest it. And that is one I have such a hard time with!
Another thing that has been on my mind frequently this week is the subject of purity. I can tell He wants to tell me something and at first I ignored it, but after a while, I realize that I’m called to do something that half of me does not want to do. It started with Wednesday night when Tom talked about one of my favorite verses, 1 Timothy 4:12 “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity.” I was placed in the Purity group for the activity Tom had planned. We brainstormed about characteristics of someone who is pure, and then wrote down suggestions about how to be pure, and we gave an example of someone who is pure. Nate is the person that we chose. Right then it hit me – the memories I’ve had with Nate, the talk we had about his last message to us before he left. It was all about purity. Nate had talked about relationships and how if we enter one, it should be a relationship in which two people build each other up in God, it should be a relationship that honors and is respectful of the two people involved.

With college looming right around the corner, I am excited for the freedom that it brings. I hope I don’t go too crazy over the newfound independence. Everytime I think about relationships, I think back on Nate’s message. So I was like… okay that’s nothing abnormal, I’ve been thinking about that since he talked about it. It was coincidence right? Wrong.

After Wednesday was over, I called one of my good friends to apologize for hitting her with a ball while we played volleyball. She insists that it was not my fault, but I still felt horrible. Well, we began to talk about other things… and we somehow winded up talking about my semi-existent love life. It was something I did not admit for a long time. I knew the feelings were there because… well, what’s not to like about him? But I still held up the façade that I was confused about how I feel. Haha, that did not work out. There is no denying that I see this boy as more than a friend – but is that how I’m supposed to feel? So then she suggested that I focus on God first, and ask Him what He wants for me and for this situation. I mean, yes, I’ve been doing that for a long time now, but I guess He’s gently reminding me that I need to truly focus and meditate on Him first, before I think about other things… other people. I knew there was a verse for that… seek first His kingdom… something, I couldn’t remember the entire verse.

So a pet peeve of mine is not remembering things and having it bug me for the rest of the day, so I went and looked it up. As I was flipping through my Bible, I realized I needed a bookmark, I reached for one from the pencil stand. Lo and behold, on that book mark was the following verse: Matthew 6:33 “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Whew. Okay so I really thought about that that night. And, to top it off, on the back was a little picture of a little boy and a girl (cute!) and at the bottom… summer camp 2007. I’ll explain this later.

Then the next day, Thursday, I got a newsletter from the Christopher’s Foundation and it was on… sexuality and purity. And bam! this quote hit me like a big yellow school bus. “A woman with the courage to step out into the unknown, risking temporary loneliness for a shot at lasting joy, is more than a ‘single.’ She’s singular. Instead of defining herself by what she lacks – a relationship with a man – she defines herself by what she has: a relationship with God.” – Dawn Eden. So I thought it was a really good quote, and said hmm okay… yeah that’s a really good quote.

Today when I got home from church, I turned on my laptop and it said “Disk Error, press any key to restart” so I pressed a random key… nothing happened. I was horrified. I restarted the laptop, and same thing happened. So I prayed, begged Him to fix this problem and bring my laptop back to life. Somewhere, somehow in the back of my head, “go first to Philippians 4:6 then go back to the section Tom preached from today.” … I was freaked out. Okay God… was that you? or was that just me having silly thoughts? So I was like what the hey, there’s nothing to lose. But I was really panicky about my laptop!

Anyway, Philippians 4:6 says this: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God.” So I’m called to be calm when my laptop is on the black screen of death… okay God, if you say so… but what about my laptop!?! I need it for college you know. He responded, “go read first, and everything will be okay” AHHH!

I honestly wanted to run away. It was scary. Okay so then, I went back to Colossians 3. Haha guess what the title of that section is? “Rules for Holy Living” So okay I read it this morning in church, but I guess it didn’t really sink in. And I was really freaked out by the voice and worried about my laptop – we really can’t afford one right now, Dad’s not working, so everything is really tight.

Colossians 3: “So you have been raised with the Messiah, seek what is above… set your minds on what is above not on what is on the earth… therefore, put to death whatever in you is worldly: sexual immorality, impurity, lust… and you once walked in these things when you were living in them …” Okay God, so your calling me to live a holy life – I’m trying!

But then it all clicked. Everything made sense. The fog cleared.

1. summer of 2007
2. Nate’s lesson
3. Purity activity
4. phone call, Matthew 6:33
5. finding the bookmark… with summer camp 2007 on it
6. woman quote
7. Tom’s lesson
8. the voice/encounter

Let me expand on “summer camp 2007” It was the summer of my freshman year in high school and I was in an amateur relationship with a guy I knew from Middle School. It was an innocent, sweet relationship and we didn’t do anything normal couples did during those days… or now even. But still, I always felt nagged by I guess “my inner voice.” It’s not right. It’s not right for me to lie by omission to my mom, it’s not right for me to be in situation at such a young age. It was fun and he was sweet and still is a very nice boy, but my heart was bugged. So I had an opportunity to go to summer camp with the Church of Orange. There, I discovered my love for star-gazing and it was amazing just lying back on the bench to soak up the majesty of the night, created by God for me to enjoy. I remember one morning while I was up early to go running, I came across a little area with trees surrounding it. In the middle of the area was a wooden cross. I sat across from it on one of the make-shift rock benches. I just stared at the wooden cross, feeling God’s presence all around me. In the breeze, the way it lightly touched my hair, the way I felt chilly but yet so warm in the inside. I was freaked out at first, but I realized, “it’s not coincidence, Christina.” So I started thinking and I thought about my relationship mainly because it was heavy on my heart. I realized I didn’t want to have to suffer through the guilt of lying, even if by omission, the feelings of impurity… anymore. I asked God to convict me, to hold me true to the promise I was about to make. I made a promise before that wooden cross to not be involved in a relationship for the rest of my high school days. I even purchased a ring from the camp store to commemorate the experience and the commitment. The ring got old and broke, but the promise persevered. Even though I was tempted, and at one point, I thought I would give in, conviction held me by the hand. And it was that point in my life that I received Nate’s message. God’s timing is impeccable.

So, it’s the summer before I go away for college and I feel that I am called to make a similar promise. I also realized the other day that when my four years at Yale come to an end, I’m only 22 years of age. True love waits. And I have the rest of my life to find that one guy that is meant for me. I truly admire Nate and his wife and the way they waited for each other, being friends for life first, then a couple. I want a love story like that, and I’m willing to wait for the one God destined to be my husband. There’s also a part of me that wants to be pure not only for God, but for my future husband. That means no sex before marriage. That being said, I expect him to be pure – in more ways that one. Wouldn’t it be so great to be able to say… “yeah, I waited and held back because I wanted you to be the first I share everything with?”

Sure, college will be filled with temptations that are completely different from the ones in high school, but I’ve always been one to like challenges. My priority at Yale should not be to find someone to be involved with, but to discover myself, my passion, and what God has in store for me career-wise. So, I’m convicted. After all the verses that He had me read, and all the messages that He’s sent before (that I’ve neglected to notice with reverence), I told Him, “Alright God, I give in. Actually, no, I don’t give in - because it’s not a matter of winning, but it’s a matter of obedience. Therefore, I choose to obey, I’ll promise.”

... ... And then, my laptop turned on. I almost jumped out of my seat with joy, and fear.

So that was my encounter with God today. I’ll need a lot of prayer and conviction to hold true to my commitment. And through all this, I realize God likes to take His time with revealing what He wants, and to be able to recognize those things in the past that have brought me to where I am today… that was an amazing feeling. And, ultimately, what I feel now is summed up in this verse:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Sweet deal, Lord. Just please remember to give me the persistence and the hope in times of trial and tribulation. So I guess I will allow myself to date in college, if the opportunity comes. I won’t be looking for it, but hopefully I’ll respond accordingly if it comes. But for this new commitment, I vow that I won’t enter into any serious relationship until after my four years at Yale, and to keep myself pure until my marriage day. If any man should be interested in me, then he shall have to get God’s ok first :] The only way to my heart is through God’s heart. I’m going to let God write my love story – and I’m willing to bet that I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Wow it feels good to chronicle everything. Today was amazing. In the midst of everything that is going wrong with my family, the sickness, the financial strain, God’s grace is still abundant. Maybe that voice ain’t so freaky after all :)

Fuge is coming up fast! I’m almost done packing… and the most important thing I have to remember to pack is a ready and open heart that expects to encounter Christ at Fuge in a special way. I’ll make my actual promise there – it seems fitting to me. The first promise was at a camp, this one should be too. And besides, there’s just something so majestic and so powerful about nature that makes me feel like if I make the promise here within the comfort of my own home, it’s not the same.

After Fuge will be another weeklong conference at Biola – Wheatstone Academy… which reminds me that I still need to finish up their required reading!

Today is a good day. :]