August!

mood: lethargic
music: There You'll Be - Faith Hill, I've been stuck on this song for a while, it has a calming effect on me. Here's the chorus:

In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be

WOW. It's already August! In just 16 days, I will be an official "adult." Joy! And then, one day after that, I'll be leaving California. I must say, this is truly a bittersweet month. Another big event is my baptism on my birthday as well! I am super excited for that. But when that day comes, it means I have to leave all that is familiar and comforting to head off into the "future." Time sure sneaks up on me. Bittersweet, see?

For the last week, I've spent my waking hours trying to contemplate what I want to do with my life. Okay, so not as dramatic as that, but I'm trying to figure out what classes I want to take. I'm fearful of choosing the "wrong" class that will mess up my education career at Yale. I emailed Professor Bailyn yesterday asking about Astronomy, Physics, and Math courses and he replied promptly, which I appreciated very much. Some possible tracks I might take include:
Majoring in Astronomy, then going on to Medical School, then becoming a doctor... but what kind of doctor? psychiatrist, anestesiologist, pediatrician? who knows. Is becoming a doctor even right for me? How do I know?

Another option, major in Teacher Preparation and Education, become a teacher or educational worker. Another option, major in Pscychology and become a psychologist.

That's all I have so far. Notice a common theme that there is an absence of Politics, Business, and History. It'll be some sick life joke if I end up doing something in one of those three subject areas. And with med school, my number one fear would be how will I also have a legit life while going through those four horrendous years, not counting residency? I've been reading a couple of blogs from current med students and residents, and it's realistically horrible, the life of a med student. Sleep deprivation, unhealthy eating, personality disorders are recurrent themes. Do I really want to go through that?

And there's this other part of me that wants to defy the typical Asian stereotype. But then again I shouldn't let stereotypes define or direct my actions.

I really admire my peers who already know what they want to do with their lives.

I do know one thing, whatever it is I end up doing, it better be something that honors God, lets me make a difference in others' lives, and allows me to be who I am.

So, I'm going to give blue booking another chance today, since my headache is moderately better, then I'm going to go play with the kids, and who knows what else.

Church is tomorrow! yay :) , but it's also my third to last Sunday at Midcities before the big move :( I'll be back for Thanksgiving, though!

And sometimes, when I've successfully convinced myself that I don't care anymore and there's nothing I can do about certain situations, I'd go out to shoot baskets and I'd look at my front yard... and all those memories would come flooding back, and I find myself drowned in thoughts of him. When the evening sunlight hits the tree at the right angle, that special evening four months ago could be recreated in my mind. Life's cruel.