Calm before the Storm

Tomorrow is going to be a crazy day. First day of classes after a week long break. The cherry on top is my Arabic test that I've been studying for all day.

Before I head into more studying, I spent about ten minutes in quiet with God. And He never fails to bless me with peace. Today, I read from Psalm 36 and 37. Some verses that stood out to me at this point in time were:

"Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies. Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice is like the great deep. O Lord, you preserve both man and beast."

I like the way this verse describes God's love - how vast and how beautiful... hmm.
And, sometimes, we tend to forget that God is not only our God, but also nature's God. The animals have access to Him too. I can just imagine a squirrel praying - how cute. Or a hurting mother bird pining and praying for her children. Hmm.

"Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away."
This is my Father's world, and in the end, His plan will prevail. "Evil" gets to me, but I take hope in knowing that God is bigger than those situations and circumstances.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." - This really speaks to me because lately, and as always, I've learned to put God first. I fail most of the time, but when I actually do it, He is faithful to His promises. It makes me wonder why I don't trust more often. I guess I'm stubborn like that. I like to take things into my own hands. But I guess my life is not in my hands ultimately, but it's in God's will.

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him.." - I can just hear God saying, "Christina, my daughter, patience is what you need to work on, patience is a virtue. Wait for my directions, stop looking at the world's signs." Hmm.

Today was a beautiful day. The sun was out, the air crisp and chilly just right. I love the feeling of sunshine on my hair and face. It's like God's sending a kiss to me, and I feel so loved. I got back to Yale yesterday night and was so tired so I went to bed early. This morning, I finished my rough draft on my English essay at Starbucks in the company of a Caramel Brulee Latte. Thank you for those Starbucks giftcards. I think the two most wanted things on my Christmas list this year are iTunes and Starbucks giftcards. Haha :)

Then, I went to the Branford library to work on Arabic, and took a break after that to spend some time in the sun and write a letter. I feel so much better now. I'm content.

Then it was time for church. ECV always has good songs and messages. Today was a peaceful, slow day. And I loved it. Yale was so peaceful without all the students around. I'm glad I came back a little early.

Now, time to study Arabic! I can do this!

Lovelovelove! Chestnuts are a-roastin' I'm a-singin' Christmas carols <3

Before I forget, today, a thought crossed my mind that I might consider: a military doctor?

Happy (late) Thanksgiving

I love this time of year. Thanksgiving, Christmas, oh what joy! Well, I just got back from California and I miss it already. Although, I am also glad to be back at Yale.. I missed my freedom. But it was so, so, SO good to see family and friends and eat Asian food again. Can't wait for Christmas!

FINALS, here I come.

TEN MORE DAYS.

Nevermind. I can't switch like this, I feel disloyal to blogspot :) And besides, I already have all my other blogs here... and to have to manage two accounts is just one more thing I have to do.

Well today was a weird day. It was hot. I never thought I'd say "it's hot" in sixty degree weather. I completely dislike walking up Science Hill and today I'm reminded again that I will make this trek many, many, many, many times during my time at Yale. Chem Lab today was alright - Ben is an awesome lab partner. Since we did timing for voltages, there was a lot of down time so I did my Arabic homework in between. I think I'm becoming better at using my pockets of time that usually go unused. Although, somehow I'm still left with a paper to write tonight that I should be working on... but for the past hour, I've been perusing the Doctors Without Borders webpage.

I wrote my Yale essay about that. And here I am straddling the line between Pre-med and Pre-Business. Dude. Sometimes I just want to shout at God and ask WHAT IS MY CALLING? Please tell me soon. Or bless me with the patience to wait. Because right now, I'm so frustrated. Frustrated because I have no direction. Frustrated because I know that somehow things will work out, but I don't have enough trust in that to convince myself in the here and now that it will work out.

I'm told that I'm too naive, too nice, too compassionate to do business. What the heck. There are nice people in the business world. I'm torn between pursuing what makes me happy and what will give me a secure future - which are two mutually exclusive things. If I'm going to be a doctor, I'm going to be a doctor for all the right reasons. Before I can convince myself of that, I'm not going to pursue it. But tonight... reopening a recent dream I had tucked away, triggered all the right emotions, all the right clicks. I want to be there - in the heart of it all, in the heart of the trouble and hurt, to fight back with the people who are hurting, fighting every second of their lives. I want to be there for the girl who has to carry her brother on her back each day to the clinic to get treatment. I want to be the smile that she sees, the hug that she receives, the hand that she holds...

I want to act justly... I want to love mercy.... and I want to walk humbly with my God.

I guess I can take that as a I'm a pre-med again epiphany. Why can't I make decisions! I think a part of the reason why is that I fear being inadequate. it's tough being a Pre-med student at Yale, anywhere for that matter. But I'm one who likes challenges, so why do I find myself backing away? Is it because I fear I won't have a social life when I'm in med school? Is it because I fear that my career will interfere with my life? What if my career is my life? Hmm.

It annoys me a bit when people say I have "so much time." I know they are right - to an extent, but honestly? I bet they were just as antsy and impatient as I am now when they were in my shoes.

I also envy people who know exactly what they want to do with their lives, people who have concrete plans. But I also know that the plans of a woman are many, but it is the Lord's directions that ultimately guide her path... sometimes, I get too caught up in "signs" that I forget God's directions. I need to stop depending on myself and depend on His plan for my life more. I just hate not knowing, but whenever I start moping about that, He always shows me how great it is to trust in Him.

Okay. So I need to write ten pages about why Muslim dress the way they do... and my argument is that it actually liberates them rather than oppresses them - contrary to popular belief. it's almost midnight.... :(

I simply cannot wait to be home, to hug my family, to sit on my couch, to play with my brothers and Tiger, to eat Asian food. ELEVEN MORE DAYS. just eleven more. well technically, since it's midnight already... TEN MORE DAYS!! YEAHH BABY! :)

And, this past week, one of my life goals has been fulfilled. I lead worship with Driven! i was so nervous, yet so stoked to be there. God is so good.

ps. I'm going to New York on Friday for a David Crowder Band!! and I am super excited about that :)
pss: Lesson of the past two weeks: Unwillingness to let go of something God has called you to let go of can result in heartache, but He will fill those voids and erase the hurt and replace it with grace and joy.
psss: Tim-Tams make my extremely happy. Tim-Tams with caramel fillings are even better.

And, roses are really smelly when they dry up. Tulips are way better.

Tumblr.

Tumblr looks cool. I'm going to try that for a while. Hasta luego, Blogspot.

Lakers for the Win!

Hey y'all - Lakers rule! :) It was exciting to watch the numbers on TV Companion change as the live game went on... times like this I wish I had cable in college. Intense game! Overtime, 103-102. Suck on that, Rockets. :)

So this week has been really busy as always. Monday was a particularly crappy day and it was then I realized that things need to change within me. So I allowed myself a day to be melancholy and let the tears flow freely, and then, that's that. No more. Life goes on, and I'm whole. The heart is the only instrument that no matter how many time it breaks, will continue to work splendidly - especially when I fill voids with God's love. I'm falling more and more in love with Him each day, it's amazing.

Arabic assessments this week was surprisingly pleasant. Chemistry not so much. English - improvement. Lab - so close, and it's always the little details that get me. I need more sleep. The debt I owe myself in sleep can never be repaid!

So Yale had four deaths within the span of two months. It's depressing and it shows me how precious and short life really is. But I know my God is good and His plan trumps death a million times over.

I miss home a lot, but I know I'm where I'm supposed to be. When mom called the other day when she heard the news, she was in tears and suggested never to let me go away from home again for school. Kind of unrealistic.... but of course I understood her pain and her concern. I love my mommy :)

You know that peaceful, almost to contentment feeling? yeah, I'm searching for that.

I cannot wait to be home. God bless.

November!

Didn't have wi-fi this weekend, so this post was technically on October 31st :)

So I am on my way to New Hampshire for an Intervarsity Conference! The theme is Act Justly, Love Mercy, Walk Humbly. Sounds great. I am so excited! I am also very glad to take a break from Yale for two days. It feels as if yesterday was the beginning of October! Now it’s already almost November first. I remember that date vividly from last year - it was when I submitted my Early Action Application to Yale. Oh the intense hours of agonizing over my personal statement and getting everything together for that application. I can’t believe it’s already a year later! Crazyyy! Life sure goes by fast. Goodluck to all those applying to college this year! Trust me, the stress, the sleep-deprivation, and the anxiety is all a part of the fun. :)

The fall foliage here is amazing - and that’s an understatement. I think I’ve grown a liking to the cold too! It wakes me up on my way to Arabic every morning. The crisp, fresh air does amazing things for my lungs and nostrils. I also like the rain, but only on certain days. I do miss California sunshine though, very much so. But the leaves falling from trees - it’s just like the movies. Looking around, I can’t help but feel Yale’s presence - and something much more important - God’s creations.

So, this month was filled with activity and academic work as always. But I did have fun - at times. I’ve been doing well with my morning quiet times. It’s those nights that I stay up to three that make it so hard to get up early. But God is good. so very good, and He’ll never bring me to something that He won’t get me through. Ever.

I went to the Women’s Leadership Initiative Conference at the Yale Law School and realized a lot of things about what I want and it’s that gut feeling that I love getting so much that drives me forward. Others call it go with your gut, I call it divine steering - to be the object of God’s direction is amazing and I feel like I’m on a constant adventure. With every turn and every swerve, I trust Him. I met amazing women at this conference including Liz Logie, Joanne Lipman, Valerie Tripp, and so on. They were amazing and to hear their stories and walk of life I realize that there are so many paths to success - and I just need to pave my own. It’s not about following a formula or following a set way to a destination - it’s all about finding yourself along the way. That’s most of the fun anyway.

I was also pushed by God to go a meeting about Entrepreneurship in the Middle East. What is the trend I see? A lot of the things I’ve been doing have to do with the Middle East - taking Arabic for one. Applying to go to Jordan for two. And then this meeting. I was the only freshman there I think and it was a bit intimidating to be in a room full of accomplished women and men who knew what they were talking about. I just mostly sat and observed.

So next semester, I plan to take an Economics class and see how I like that. I’ve also done a lot of soul-searching this week and realize that I also want to go back to Vietnam. My goal and dream is to build a school in the land of my parents’ home country for the children there who are deprived of a proper education. I don’t think this goal will come to pass for at least another six or seven years, at the earliest. I know one thing is for sure. I want Hoangyen to be a part of the school’s name, and I’m going to be there on site, helping to put the bricks in walls.

So. Economics and Education... sounds like a great combination to me. But what about Pre-med what about Medical School? For now, I’m going to take God’s pointers and run with them and not look back. Right now, nothing points to that track, and I don’t think I’m a science oriented person anyway. I thought I was. I like science, but the thought of following it for a lifetime is not very enticing. My main concern is to make a difference, to live to make a difference. And I realize that I can do that with countless other careers, in countless different ways. I am so excited!

Last night I had a very trying time before Real Life. Real Life is the weekly meeting I go to to worship with Yale Students for Christ. I love it and I love the people in this group. But it’s been a tough week and I had an Arabic test and a Chem Exam today, so logically, Thursday night was cram session. My Arabic session and Chem session ended up being both canceled. I was eating dinner at 6:25 PM and I was struggling with deciding whether or not I was going to go to Real Life. Sessions being canceled meant more time being able to study... but the Holy Spirit spoke to me and commanded me to be there. That may sound weird, but trust me, I know it happened. So I said back, if I am commanded to be there, let me done with dinner, errands, cleaning up, and showering by 6:50. God had me done at 6:45. Oof. I get the message :) And so I went to Real Life and left with peace and love overflowing.

At Real Life, Greg Ganssle talked about how we tend to put up a wall between Jesus and our academic lives. Being at Yale, we think we can do it on our own. Well, we can’t. And I’ve learned that lesson quickly. Greg said that we really need to truly do things for Jesus and not for ourselves. Our bodies are not our own, but a temple of the Lord - and sometimes, we fail to take care of God’s property. I fail a lot, but I’m trying.

I’m reading Kissing Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris and am finding it very insightful and very true and matches with my values and my perception of dating. Awesome. I would recommend it wholeheartedly - and I’m only on the second chapter.

I also try to read Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis before I go to bed. He breaks the book down into very manageable chapters and it’s a nice decompressor before I shut my eyes for sleep. I understand why people rave about him and his logic. A specific thing I really like is that he has no apologies for being the person that he is or for the way he writes his book.

I’m still struggling with the decision to go to Jordan this Spring Break. I haven’t heard back from Reach Out yet, but if I do get in, funding will be a problem. I’ve been praying about it, that I might have the heart to decide to do this program if I get in, that I might have the wisdom to make the right choices, that I might glorify God in doing this. I think it would be nice to get to know Jordan for a week before I decide to spend a summer there too for level 3 and level 4 Arabic.

Speaking of Arabic, I have a huge test on Monday... and I hope I can find pockets of time during this weekend to study for it. It’s coming along decently for me. I really like my professor, Ghassan. He’s like a big teddy bear and he’s so nice!

Today I had lunch with Sumaya and we had a nice time hanging out and talking while I packed for the conference. :) oh, Jayid :)

I’m looking forward to what God is going to teach me today, tomorrow, and Sunday at this conference.

And, SHOUT OUT to Sarah Thompson! It was her birthday yesterday! I’m sorry I called so late! I hope you got my message and I hope you had a wonderful birthday! May all your wishes come true and may God shower blessings upon you! Thank you for being a blessing to me.

And, to Teresa Pham. I miss you so much. Thank you for your random text messages that always brighten up my day. I love you this much <----- <3 -----> :)